oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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