just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
