is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
