Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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