im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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