apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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