it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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