DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
