she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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