The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
