I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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