She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.