you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.