He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
