After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!