youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
