So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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