Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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