Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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