Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
