I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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