I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
barbara walters just said penis...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
