Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
