they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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