Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
be right there i have to get my cape
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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