If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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