I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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