you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
