I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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