false alarm. still invincible.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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