I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
