If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
