he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
