who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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