Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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