I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
