Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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