it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
