I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
