jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
