my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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