i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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