I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
