Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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