I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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