Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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