just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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