And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
