Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My dick has a subreddit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
