Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
