He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
