Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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