God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
