Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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