does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
