In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i think i have two assholes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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