You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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