its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
