even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Someone signed my nipple.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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