The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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