Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
