Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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