after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
