went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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