I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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