just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
