He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
