your parents love me but you hate me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
