Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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