fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
