you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
