R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
